Tag Archives: humanity

Convicted by my own hypocrisy…

survived

How can I with power and authority lead others on a path to mental wellness when my own is in shambles? I can not.  My lack of self-care and inattention to my own well being while using other peoples struggles to distract me from my own has lead me to see my actions for what they were, hypocrisy.

I can not in good faith ask others to do what I was unwilling to do myself.  I could no longer extol the benefits of self-affirmations, exercise, mindfulness, rest, meditation, and, fearlessness when I was gripped by fear and self-doubt.

Fear had a hold.  Fear gave me permission to do nothing, to use my circumstances as a reason for complacency, to shrink my responsibility to myself and to you.  I retreated over and over again to the shadows where I was most comfortable, where I was “safe”.  Every time I got close to a break through I backed away because under harsh lights my imperfections would be illuminated.

Everyone would know that I struggle. Everyday.  I struggle with low self-esteem, an eating disorder, my parenting skills, trusting myself and others, failure, success, finances.

I struggle.

The world would see that the “Rock” was merely a collection of circumstances, experiences, lost battles and won wars that left me wounded but still standing.

And the question became, who do I think I am to stand before you, scarred and imperfect, to help you along your journey to wellness?  And as I shake off my hypocrisy and allow my conviction to compel me to speak with my true voice and be my whole self, I answer, I am your reflection.  I mirror your struggle, but more importantly, I mirror your victory.

The fact that I have been through, that I go through, and that I have come through gives me exactly what I need to help you do the same.

Let’s do this work because you are worthy of being holistically well!

Yulinda Rock

 

 

 

 

 

Mental Illness Isn’t Sexy but it’s Real: Lets Talk About It

stigma

We have a problem.  A really big problem.  A problem that is difficult to talk about but easy to minimize.  A problem that is so insidious that some of us don’t even acknowledge that there is a problem.  Or that some of us deem it “their problem”.  Or we ridicule those who acknowledge, accept, and attempt to fix the problem.  And the problem is just getting worse.

Mental Illness is real.  It is not a sign of weakness. A lack of faith.  A cry for attention.  An issue that we can afford to keep defunding and expect everything to be OK.

The prevalence of mental illness is becoming more and more apparent as care is becoming more negligent.  Ignoring mental illness doesn’t make it go away.

Recently I have seen more attention being given to mental illness as people begin to talk about it a bit more on social media, sharing their stories.  And what I have gathered is that a stigma that has long kept people silent is being overshadowed by the deep pain people are feeling due to the crisis we have here in America.  A crisis that I believe goes beyond just race, and gangs, and police but to the very root of our humanity.

Our humanity is bleeding.  It is hurt and the pain has consequences.  It leaves scars that often hide an infection that runs so deep that the fever is often left “unfelt” and untreated until it is too late to get it under control and in a rage, we burn.

We need help.  

The scars must be opened.  

The infection irradicated.  

The wound aired out and allowed to heal.

It will be messy.  It will hurt. It will stir up feelings and emotions long buried and ignored. It may cause us to dislike others as well as ourselves.  It will be unpleasant and very uncomfortable.  But it is necessary.

It is irresponsible to let this infection ravage our very humanity.  We only have so many limbs we can afford to sacrifice while we refuse to get treatment for what ails us. Stubbornly disregarding the tale tale signs of the angry red welts on our arms indicating the infections relentless march in our veins, making its way to our heart.

Our humanity is crying out for acknowledgement.  And dressing it up and plastering a smile on its face does not negate the suffering reflected in its sad eyes.
We must talk about it. Not we should.  Not we could.  But we MUST.

If we as a people are not mentally well than where does that leave us?  It leaves us battered, bitter, bruised, and belligerent, and eventually; if unacknowledged, unaccepted and untreated long enough, at risk of losing our very humanity.

Let’s talk about it.

We are worthy of being holistically well.

Yulinda Rock