Tag Archives: choice

F Balance, Be Intentional Instead!

plates

I fell hook, line, and sinker for the elusive goal of obtaining balance.  I even wrote a poem about it here.  But what is balance actually?  As I think more about my life and how it is in constant flux I become anxious for the need to get it all lined up just so.  I picture myself walking on a tight rope, focus honed in on the task at hand.  Unable to move left or right for fear of free falling.  Rigid in my movements.  The flexibility to adjust? Drastically limited.  And what I come away with is a life filled with restraint.  No room to breathe too deeply because I may throw off my weight distribution on the rope.  No freedom to take in my surroundings because a loss of focus can mean disaster.  Although the acrobats ability to balance may be awe inspiring it should not be marketed as a way of life.

My takeaway?  Balance is a generic term used to imply control.  If every plate is not spinning, if you are not constantly adjusting; micro movements meant only to keep all the plates in the air, then you have no control over your life!

Who came up with this BS?  And why did we fall for it?   I personally fell for it because being the quintessential control freak that I am, having the ability to balance all things seemed achingly appealing.

Look at me !  Look at me!
Spinning all these plates while hopping on one leg!
I’m superwoman!
I’m Awesome!
I’m unfulfilled and miserable…

What changed my mind? Life.  Life changed my mind.  Being a humble overachiever (does labeling myself humble make me less so?) I decided to not only work full time while pursuing a doctorate but to also participate in a school principal program while going through a divorce and adjusting to being the custodial parent of three children.  Why?  Because I thought I could.  And somehow I managed to keep all those plates spinning for awhile. But as life would have it, I was thrown a HUGE curve ball.  My youngest daughter got sick at a crucial time in my program and I had to make a choice.  I dropped all my plates except one. She became my focus.    But I was plagued by an extreme since of guilt. I was unable to keep my balance.  I dropped the ball, broke the plates, jumped off the tight rope. I failed.  I felt this way for a long time and no mater what anyone said, in my heart I was a failure.  We are suppose to be able to balance right?  That’s what successful adults do!

Then I called Bullshit.

I asked myself, what would I tell a client?  Would I think of them as a failure for dropping the plates?  And my answer was, Of course not!

So is my life balanced? NO. And it most likely never will be, at least not for long.  There will definitely be times where I will need to be more focused but my goal is no longer to spin plates just so, or walk a tight rope with precision but to be intentional in my movements.

So I say F#%k Balance and live life intentionally!  

No more doctoral program, no more principal program.  No more guilt.  Dropping those plates was the best decision I ever made.  Now instead of balance I am becoming more adept at focusing my attention on my intentions.

There will be days when the house is clean but the workout was skipped. Days when you go on a date with your mate but you couldn’t make it to your friends party.  Days when you spend hours cutting out paper-dolls with your littles but that chapter in your book didn’t get written.  Days when dinner is frozen pizza so you can write that chapter you didn’t get to yesterday.

There will always be some give and take, some ebb and flow, some ups and downs.  And ever so often the moon will be full, the kids will behave like angels, you actually will WANT to work out, your attempt at a new recipe will be NAILED, your mate will take out the trash without prompting, the wine will be chilled just so, and the breeze will smell like fresh flowers and not biohazard; that bliss point will be reached.  Aligned scales!!

And you know what’s even more wonderful and ironic? That usually happens without you even trying!

So allow yourself room to adjust, to grow, to live, to breathe!
Jump off the tight rope.  Find your path and walk it with intention.

You are worthy of being holistically well.

Yulinda Rock

Be an authority over your own thoughts: A hard conversation with myself

mindfulness-is-not-concerned-800x563

Woke up this morning and felt unsettled in my spirit.  I found out something that made me start to question myself.  It was causing feelings of bitterness and was disrupting my productivity.  These thoughts were stealing my contentment.  I tried to swallow down the frustration but it got stuck in my chest.  I could feel it tightening.  My head started to hurt and I felt my hands contracting into fist.  I started asking the questions?

Why not me?

Why are things so difficult for me?

Why must I always struggle?

Where is my break?

Why is everyone else prospering and I’m having such a hard time?

And on and on.

Then I stopped. I stopped and checked myself.  Sure, life isn’t fair, but my journey is my own and I have the choice to either use my energy to focus on someone else’s journey or I can laser focus on my own.   So I changed frustration into inspiration, and I began to answer the questions that plagued me.

Why not you?  Why not you, what? Why was that opportunity not afforded to you?  Why are blessings not falling down on your head? First, you are blessed.  Second, because that is not your path.  You know that is not your path but instead of boldly embarking on your own road you allow your focus to shift to others.  Stop being afraid.  Stop trying to control everything.  Trust yourself.  Believe in yourself and move forward.  Eyes straight ahead. No distractions.

Why are things so difficult for you?  Seems like you are focused on the wrong thing, again. Instead of asking yourself why are things difficult focus on what you can do to be more proficient.  Are things really difficult or are you just not helping yourself to make things easier.  Sure, things have not been a cakewalk but you must acknowledge that your own thoughts create way more difficulty for you than your actual circumstances.  Change your perspective, change your life.

Why must you always struggle? Define struggle? You mean why are things not easy? Why must you WORK and put forth EFFORT? Why can’t Yulinda simply exist and have things just so? Yeah it would be great if you could just snap your fingers and everything fell into place but…So how about we reframe this.  You have certain goals.  You want autonomy and freedom of expression.  You have made the choice to work for yourself.  That takes dedication, discipline, perseverance, persistence, courage, and a lot of other adjectives. If you truly want this than make it happen,  no more excuses.  You’re not struggling, you’re hustling.  Keep going!

Where is your break? Seriously? There are no breaks.  You CREATE breaks by positioning yourself in a way that makes getting a break more likely.  That definitely will not happen while you are sitting on Facebook feeling some type of way about other people’s success. Get busy!

Why is everyone else prospering and you are having such a hard time?  Again, seriously? Why are you focused on other people.  Clap for them while you go perform for you!  Your issue is focus.  It is not where it belongs.  You should not have time to pay attention to other people’s success.  You should be creating your own.  You are worth the work.  Acknowledge that. Accept that.  Go do it!

Don’t let your thoughts derail you.  Confront your negative thoughts.
Re-frame them. Reshape them. Then, re-calibrate.

You are worthy of being holistically well.

Yulinda Rock

 

 

It’s your choice. Choose wisely…

choose happy

I’m still learning this and everyday I work harder to choose to be happy. Life is not always what we want it to be.  The world is so full of things we don’t control, but one thing we definitely DO control is our mindset.  Yes it is easier to give in to circumstances.  To allow ourselves to become immersed in negativity.  It is okay to feel the feelings.  To acknowledge that things are not what we want them to be. But once we face our reality. Once we take stock and give name to our emotions, then what?

Then there is a decision to be made.

Happiness is a choice.

When things are going every way but right, happiness can be a difficult choice to make, but we we still have the option to make it.

As I focus more on what’s right and less on what’s wrong, choosing happiness becomes easier.
So I challenge you.
Choose happiness today.
Right now.
This minute.
And if you already have? Then continue.

And if for some reason you can’t? That’s what I’m here for.  
Let me help you.


Blessings
Yulinda Rock